On Saturday, November 8, 2015, my husband was involved in a hit and run accident.
I almost died when I heard this!
I couldn’t believe my ears. There’s no how-to book on how to react when you recieve some of the worse news of your life. What’s worse, is that he wasn’t even supposed to be right there at that time.
It was because of me.
It was my idea. I had been begging to go to the Jacksonville Agricultural Fair, every year for the last 4 years. But every time it came to town, something would come up and we wouldn’t be able to go. So this year, I was bound and determined not to miss it. Add to this, the girls had had an amazing first quarter of school, had avoided getting grounded and in fact, Mekayla, the baby girl had excelled! She was the first student of the month!
That sealed it!
We were going to the fair! Dad made special plans to buy early bird, mega passes for us all at a discounted rate. Once those were purchased, there was no turning back.
Dad had a bike club event to attend on this particular Saturday. Being a prospect meant he had to be there. This was fine by me! The club had proven to really be one of brotherhood and peacekeeping and helping out the unfortunate.
So, the kids and I hopped on the number 10 bus at around 1:20p.m. on a journey that would leave us all shaken.
He was supposed to meet us.
We were waiting for 4 o’clock. Dad said he was coming to ride kiddie rides with Kay. This would leave me and Lina (the resident dare devils) free to ride the “big girl” rides. Alas, the club fundraiser went overtime. So we didn’t see him till around 6. Which meant two things.
1) I didn’t get to ride anything “real”rides until he got there.
2) When he got there, it was getting dark, so I had to hurry and ride what I could before our bus left.
So I got a bit upset that our big rides had to be rushed and I refused to leave before I rode a few particular ones.
But it wasn’t to be.
Before we knew it, it was 9:00 and we had to go! We half ran/half speed walked back to the bus station with dad circling each block before and after us, checking for safety. After all, we were downtown at 9pm. Pretty creepy….
We finally make it to the station, only to realize the bus we were planning on catching had already left. Which meant we now had to catch two buses when we’re originally wouldn’t only needed one.
We did not have an extra $7.50 for a second bus.
This turns out to be where the trouble began. He was initially supposed to meet up with the club after the fair for a special ceremony honoring his crossing over to full fledged member. Instead, Dad decides to ride ahead home and get the extra money we needed and meet us where the first bus would be dropping us off. He is on a motorcycle. And a trip that is going to take us almost an hour would take him 30 minutes. (Not speeding by the way.)
As the kids and I are on the bus, I look at my phone to see just how much time has passed and realize that my phone’s battery is getting dangerously low. I decided then, to try and reach dad and let him know the approximate time we’d be arriving and also to tell him my phone would probably be dead before we got there.
A woman answered his phone!
She began to say the words I had been dreading every since he got that bike.
“Ma’am, I don’t know who he is to you, but I just picked up his phone, someone has hit him and he’s lying in the street.”
My mouth dropped and all I heard was “lying in the street” over and over in my head. Not knowing that I’m yelling,”No, no, no, please don’t tell me that!”
I completely forgot the kids were with me, all I could think was, “Please GOD, don’t take him from me.”
I heard her say the street name and it was at this precise moment that my phone died.
Yes, I flipped out! On the bus, with the kids, in front of all those strangers.
But I pulled it together long enough to see that I had scared the crap out of my babies. Everyone was crying except Kay.
So I dried my tears, tried to explain what I had heard in the gentlest way possible…. FYI, there is no gentle way. I apologized constantly for scaring them and encouraged them to pray with me for dad. We did and then I asked (pretty sure I screamed) for someone to please let me borrow a phone. I called a ride to met us at our stop and they did. They took us to where the scene was, going to see dad, but he was gone. Mind you, when I didn’t see anything except a totaled bike, I really did think he was gone….
Ok, I admit it, I’m not perfect. Shocker right? I have many flaws just like everyone else and I’m not ashamed to admit it. If you really want truth, there comes a point in our lives, when we must admit our imperfections. At least to ourselves.
So, here goes.
- I have gotten lazy. Yes, I have. I spent ALL of my childhood years cleaning up by myself and it sucked! I had to clean my room, which was a give-in. I had to clean the kitchen everyday, after every meal. There was no other sibling old enough to take turns with. The bathroom, Ugh! The living-room, and the dining-room. Heck, after a while my mum would call home from work and tell me to clean her room. Guys, this was everyday! So yes, now that I’m married with children, I’ve had no choice but to clean for all these(12)years. But I tell ya what….these big ones..11&12, they are going to take turns in the kitchen and alternate days in their bathroom and their bedrooms are non-negotioable. At least they have each other. The 8 year old has to keep his own belongings in order and my baby, who is 5, is learning to keep her personal items neat and organized. My point is, I’ve done my time. I still clean up my own room/bathroom and I clean up after Hubby. I cook and I do laundry. Leave me alone!!!
- Sometimes I curse. Well, not exactly, but according to the rules we have set up in our house, yeah, I curse. Our kids aren’t allowed to say any curse words at all, but also,words like, booty, butt, stupid, dumb(or dummy), shut up, freak, idiot, fool, etc. You get the point. They can’t say anything that can be used to put down or degrade anyone(especially siblings), or any words that clearly have another acceptable terms. So, sometimes, when the kids are all yelling and screaming or all 4 are trying to tattle at once, yes, I may yell out, “Shut up!” I’m not proud of it and I apologize.
- I have slacked off when it comes to folding clothes. Now truly, this one shouldn’t count. My entire household has decided that they are just going to tear into their clothing bins when they look for something to wear. Yes, even after they’ve been carefully folded. So, I’ve decided to NOT fold them.
- I have still not learned to make an Old-Fashioned Pound Cake. Yes, I know it’s sad. This cake, is the only cake, that my Hubby will eat. He can’t stand the taste of “box” or “store-bought” cakes. It’s been 17 years and I haven’t mastered it. I’m working on it tho.
- I take long naps instead of going for my walk, after my family leaves in the morning. I do! It’s always so crazy in the mornings! Someone can’t find a shoe, this one is missing a sock, her head-scarf has come undone(from doing her hair the night before), so now I’ve got to do hair(again). Then it’ll be, Hubby doesn’t see his work shirt. You never know what’s going to happen next. So, when the last person leaves(usually the middle-school-kids) I flop myself right on the couch and the next thing I know it’s 11 or 12 in the afternoon.
I think that’ll do it! I said all of that to say this….
No one’s perfect. No one. So, instead of being so hard on ourselves when we think we’re failing, let us admit our faults, realize that we aren’t perfect and then move on to live this perfectly, imperfect life. I am. Can you?
Yes, I am one of “those” parents. I am picky about who my kids play with. I keep my kids within eye sight of my front door and windows. If I don’t know you well and your family dynamic, no, my kids will not spend the night at your house. This includes “blood”. I don’t care if we haven’t seen each other in ages. It doesn’t matter if your my mom’s second cousin on her dad’s side and you’ve barely gotten to see them. I AM that parent!
I’m tired of feeling like I’m a bad parent if i don’t let my kids play with the next door neighbor’s kid. For one thing, these are MY KIDS! It’s up to me(and their dad)to make sure they have a positive environment and that includes whom they play with. I don’t know what you’re teaching your kids. But I know one thing, it most certainly shows.
I saw this a couple of months ago and it fits perfectly with this post.
This is so true. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think about that.
So, when I’m teaching my children to be kind and have respect for adults, themselves, their own property and other’s, I will not have them being shown the contrary. These kids today, (Not all of them, but quite a few) they have no respect. They don’t even know how to play as children anymore. They’re all trying to see who can be more “grown up” than the next. They’re being bullies, talking back to their parents, cursing and talking and singing about sex.
For example, there’s this one kid, she’s 8, and she loves to play with my kids. She basically just comes and goes as she pleases from what I can tell day-to-day. Anyway, I was watching my kids outside playing with her and a few others from our street and this one was being particularly mean to my youngest, who is 5. So, I politely said to her, “Well, that’s not really nice. If you want someone to play with you, you can’t talk to them like that.” And rolling her eyes, she said, “Well, I was just joking, geesh!” SHE IS 8!!!
Every mommy bone in my body screamed at me to take her across my knee, but, in stead, I just took a deep breath and turned away. I told my baby, “Honey, you don’t have to play with anyone who makes you feel bad. That’s not what friends do.”
Our children rarely see things the way we do. Just like us when we were kids.
Ya know what tho? I’d much rather have my crew inside, learning how to behave as children. Play with your brothers and sisters. Get out some board games while listening to some good music. Play hide and seek, have a drawing contest or read aloud to each other for heaven’s sake! Any of these are better than having them running around out there with kids (that are younger than them by the way), telling them things like, “We don’t have to listen to our parents, you don’t either.” “They can’t spank you.” “Let’s go around here.”
Yes, I have heard it!
AND…. BIG FAT NO!!!
Not only that, but the parents are different now, as well. Does anyone else go meet these kids’ parents first anymore?? I sure do. Not these out here. When we first moved in, it was more of an, Uh oh, there goes the neighborhood kind of vibe. They barely speak to us, but they will send their kids to your house, no questions asked. The next thing you know, they’re looking for them. Nope. Not me! I will NOT be that mom on the news saying, “They were playing with the neighbors kids, I thought they were okay.”
Okay, rant over. I just had to get that off my chest, because I AM THAT PARENT and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.