Month: December 2015
How do I move forward?
I have no clue. I seem to be…..just going through the motions. My heart and mind have yet to catch up to the reality of the situation.
He’s in constant pain. He can’t walk. He can barely stand. He cannot go to the bathroom or get dressed. He can’t even eat properly. He’s a lefty, and his entire left side is compromised as well as his right. And I am powerless.
I guess there comes a time in each marriage where you will be tested. If this is indeed true, This. Is. My. Test.
I think I’m doing pretty well, considering.
Considering that I can’t really do a thing to help him. He’s my husband and all I can do, is make sure he takes his various medications(which he hates), try to feed him, bathe and dress him. I can’t truly alleviate his pain, nor can I really get him comfortable. Aside from failing when it comes to your children, I can’t think of a worse feeling than not being able to help your spouse during a time such as this.
Let me just say, I know that he was the one in the accident.Trust me, no one knows that better than I.
He doesn’t remember the 10-15 minutes leading up to the crash. He only briefly recalls a moment where he guesses he was in the ambulance and he kept asking them, “What happened?”. Then, he saw my face in the trauma center, well over 2 hours later. So yeah, while he was actually in the accident, I am the one reliving it, almost every night. I keep hearing the woman tell me that my husband is lying in the street. Everyday, I can hear him making me promise not to cry and to “stay strong for the kids”.
My heart just about jumps out of my chest every time he winces or howls in pain. I am continually having headaches. I can’t focus on anything. I’m having a rough time helping all 4 of the kids get caught up with alllllllll of the school work they missed the week of the accident. I’m also trying to figure out how I will manage the bills now that he can’t work for GOD knows how long. This means no income. And now… Christmas is creeping up on us. It’s really a lot.
I pray, I eat, I shower. Not necessarily in that order.
I take care of him as best as I can and try not to let the kids see me in a state of weakness. But inside…….Never mind.
GOD knows that I am so grateful that he’s alive! It could’ve been much, much worse. He life was truly spared that night. It’s officially been a month, but it still seems like it was just yesterday.
How do I move forward?? I don’t know, I just move.