Month: October 2015

I’m No Daddy’s Girl

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fatherless

Dear dad,

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me,

Exactly how not to be.

Thanks for the example,

Of a never present force.

Thanks for being my first lesson,

In crying till I go hoarse.

Thank you,

For never being by my side,

For pushing me into the arms

Of men that made me cry.

I want to thank you,

For leaving my mom in a lurch.

For making her raise me all alone

While you sang for the church.

Thank you.

For leaving her to find a man,

who she loved more than me

Thank you? I don’t think I can.

You left.

You took one look at me

And I took your breath.

You ran into the arms of another,

That was beginning of my death.

That was my end,

You didn’t even look back.

We’re 5 months apart

How do you think I feel about that?

I’m the outcast,

I’m the first,

The secret.

If all you have is pity love,

Don’t bother,

You can keep it.

But….

I deserve a dad,

Every kids does.

I know it.

You said you loved me,

But guess what?

Show it.

My kids see this,

Your only Grand-kids,

Now they know.

How it feels

When someone says

They love you

And then just like that, they’re gone.

Thanks dad,

Your record, is impeccable!

You walk around your fancy church

With your new family

All respectable.

If only they knew.

Your wife would probably flip.

For the whole church to know about that one time that you slipped.

Oops!

Lanie

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I Found an Answer….

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MY FIRST TESTIMONY

Things had changed.

  1. I gave my life over to GOD.
  2. I stopped smoking.
  3. I was a new creature.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

So, immediately after this amazing transformation, I was elated! If you’ve been there before, you know what I’m talking about. It’s this feeling of newness. Yes, newness is a good word. ¬†I saw everything differently. The world, my life, my family, everything! The next few months were awesome. ¬†First, I stopped smoking. I thought it was going to be hard. After 14 years, I expected to really wrestle with this. I could recall hearing people say how hard it was to quit and so, I prepared myself for withdrawals and a whole lot of “cheating”. What I wasn’t prepared for, was total and complete surrender. One day, after church, when we got home, the first thing we did was get the kids settled inside. Then, what we usually would do, is go right back outside to smoke. But this day was different. I had been saved two days and I was still very excited and I felt convicted for wanting to go out and smoke right after church. So, I didn’t. I went into my bedroom, shut and locked the door and immediately began to pray like Pastor Easton had told me.

Matthew 6:6 (KJV)

6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

I know how this sounds, okay. Every time I tell someone this, I still get goosebumps and I¬†must¬†immediately begin to give GOD praise. I promise you, this is no lie. I prayed that GOD would take the taste for cigarettes(and¬†anything else)¬†out of my mouth. I told HIM, that I didn’t want to smoke anymore and here I am, 4 years and 4 months later and I have NOT SMOKED SINCE! Never, not even once.

Immediately after that prayer, the desire to smoke completely left me.

No smoking? No problem!
No smoking? No problem!

I had no withdrawals, no cravings and no regrets. I was both shocked and ecstatic! So when I hear folks say they can’t stop or they need a patch or the gum, I always want to ask, “Did you try JESUS yet?”

Warning!! Mushy Stuff Ahead! ūüėć

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Having lived on this Earth for nearly 40 years, I’ve met a great many people. I’ve also known all types of people. Young people, old people, nice people and mean, suburban folks, hood folks, gangstas and professionals. Through meeting all of theses people, I’ve never met anyone like my husband.

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I love that man!

No one, anywhere, on planet Earth. (Not that I’ve been anywhere beyond¬†Georgia) Of course, I realize that I’m totally biased but it’s not just me. Anyone that meets him will tell you that he’s cut from a different cloth. One of the things that stood out to me when we met, was how respectful he was, to EVERYBODY! ¬†It was almost to the point of pissing me off. You know how it is, some folks are just down right mean. This guy tho, he’d be just as courteous to them, as he would the sweetest old man. I mean, everywhere we go, everyone loves him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am respectful as well, but in this society, it’s far from the norm to find any young, adult male(or female for that matter) that respects people just because they are people. You’d be hard pressed to find someone, on this globe, that still believes you should respect your elders. It’s quite refreshing. No matter where we have lived, he always ends up with an entire mob of elderly people, claiming him as their “son”. I’m always joking about him and his “other women”. Lol. The funny thing is, his respectful manner and just his overall sincere nature, tends to run the younger people off. And by young I mean the ones around our age.(25-40) I guess they think they’ll have to do something crazy, like show some respect back.

respect

Kids naturally love him. No matter where we move, there’s always a horde of munchkins around him. I bet, if we couldn’t for some reason have had our own kids, he would’ve adopted till they told him to stop. Initially, he wanted 18 kids! Yes, you heard correctly, 18. ¬†But, we only have 4, so they are subject to almost all of his love and attention. It’s really beautiful (and hilarious) to watch.

I just had to publicly crush on my Hubby for a while.  Goodnight!

Lanie


No, I’m Not Perfect, and That’s Okay.

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perfect

Ok, I admit it, I’m not perfect. ¬†Shocker right? I have many flaws just like everyone else and I’m not ashamed to admit it. ¬†If you really want truth, there comes a point in our lives, when we¬†must¬†admit our imperfections. At least to ourselves.

So, here goes.

  1. I¬†have¬†gotten lazy. Yes, I have. ¬†I spent ALL of my childhood years cleaning up by myself and it sucked! I had to clean my room, which was a give-in. I had to clean the kitchen everyday, after every meal. There was no other sibling old enough to take turns with. ¬†The bathroom, Ugh! The living-room, and the dining-room. Heck, after a while my mum would call home from work and tell me to clean her room. ¬†Guys, this was everyday! So yes, now that I’m married with children, I’ve had no choice but to clean for all these(12)years. But I tell ya what….these big ones..11&12, they are going to take turns in the kitchen and alternate days in their bathroom and their bedrooms are non-negotioable. At least they have each other. The 8 year old has to keep his own belongings in order and my baby, who is 5, is learning to keep her personal items neat and organized. ¬†My point is, I’ve done my time. I still clean up my own room/bathroom and I clean up after Hubby. I cook and I do laundry. Leave me alone!!!
  2. Sometimes I curse. Well, not exactly, but according to the rules we have set up in our house, yeah, I curse. ¬†Our kids aren’t allowed to say any curse words at all, but also,words like,¬†booty, butt, stupid, dumb(or dummy), shut up, freak, idiot, fool, etc. You get the point. They can’t say anything that can be used to put down or degrade¬†anyone(especially siblings), or any words that clearly have another acceptable terms. So, sometimes, when the kids are all yelling and screaming or all 4 are trying to tattle at once, yes, I may yell out, “Shut up!” I’m not proud of it and I apologize.
  3. I have slacked off when it comes to folding clothes. Now truly, this one shouldn’t count. My entire household has decided that they are just going to tear into their clothing bins when they look for something to wear. Yes, even after they’ve been carefully folded. So, I’ve decided to NOT fold them. ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†angry-mom-clip-art-1611001
  4. I have still not learned to make an Old-Fashioned Pound Cake. Yes, I know it’s sad. This cake, is the¬†only cake, that my Hubby will eat. ¬†He can’t stand the taste of “box” or “store-bought” cakes. ¬†It’s been 17 years and I haven’t mastered it. ¬†I’m working on it tho.
  5. I take long naps instead of going for my walk, after my family leaves in the morning. I do! It’s always so crazy in the mornings! Someone can’t find a shoe, this one is missing a sock, her head-scarf has come undone(from doing her hair the night before), so now I’ve got to do hair(again). ¬†Then it’ll be, Hubby doesn’t see his work shirt. ¬†You never know what’s going to happen next. So, when the last person leaves(usually the middle-school-kids) I flop myself right on the couch and the next thing I know it’s 11 or 12 in the afternoon.

I think that’ll do it! I said all of that to say this….

No one’s perfect. No one. So, instead of being so hard on ourselves when we think we’re failing, let us admit our faults, realize that we aren’t perfect and then move on to live this perfectly, imperfect life. I am. Can you?